A Token for Your Hindparts Part II

Ladies, the general lack of decorum within our culture has made it seem like it's okay to wear clothes that do not fit properly, that are meant for the house and not the street, or require a particular layering garment to ensure they fit properly.

Ladies, I know you love your man, and sometimes you want to let the world know you love your man, but that does not mean you need to wear his dusty wife beater with your dingy bra hanging out. It's not cute. You aren't Carrie and he's not Big.

Ladies, some of us are thicker than others and we all love our curves. We embrace our curves in all their forms. However, if when you put on your jeans, you look like a sausage, go up a size or three. It's okay. We don't need to know the number on the inside of your tag. You are littering the eye-scape with those jeans that cut you off in three places and make you look like a walking advertisement for Monistat. In fact, if you loosen those tight jeans, that might help with your attitude problem. Also, when you decide to wear that flimsy dress do a little test. Stand with your back towards a full length mirror, look behind and jump up and down a few times, if when you stop your jelly keeps on moving, you need a layering garment. Invest in some Spanx. They are Beyonce's and Kim Kardashian's best friend. Walmart and Target have off-brand versions.

In addition, pajama pants are called pajama pants for a reason. They are to wear to bed not to Safeway or Giant, not to the Book Thing or the Farmers Market, not on the bus and definitely not to your child's school. And as we discuss items of clothing that don't belong in the street, let's talk about your hair. There are hairdressers on just about every corner of this city, along with a church and a liquor store. The only reason we should know you just got your hair done is because it looks nice. We should not have to look at your pin curls or coke can rollers or half-done tracks. Please do better.

A Token for Your Hindparts

Fellas, we're on it until you make a change. I don't care if you spent $20 on those Calvin Kleins. By the way, those pictures were taken with buff, well-built models in black and white for a reason. We do not want to see your tail. Though you are definitely worth more than $20, you look like you're worth 2 cents. I shouldn't be able to tell that you don't know how to wipe yourself.

Your shorts look like they've been on for three days--dusty and confused. We are not picking cotton anymore. We don't need to see that booty of yours. I'm tired of seeing that cotton is the fabric of your life. And since wearing your pants off your booty is no longer just a "Black" thing, we need everyone to cease and desist, quick fast and in a hurry. Right now. Thank you.

But, what is the secret? What keeps the pants off of your ass? Didn't we establish that crack was wack? What exactly are you advertising? Why are you walking down the street pulling your pants up as if you're capable of keeping them there? What quality of woman are you trying to attract with your pants hanging of your tail? Obviously not very high. Or maybe you're advertising for our local gay community. In fact, are you even trying to get a job? You must be applying for the prison rolls, because the only job you can get where you don't need to wear a belt is pressing license plates.

Please fellas, for those of you who like to wear your garments slanging halfway down your legs, why do you wear your pants down? Please respond and enlighten us.

---Ponder

B'More Revolutionary

This blog is dedicated to the evolution of Baltimore. Sam Cooke sang "A change is gonna come." Though that change came to many parts of this country, sometimes it appears as though it passed Baltimore by. Charm City is full of opportunities underneath its grit and occasionally self-destructive population. But we can wipe all of the issues that plague our home by taking a step back, looking within ourselves, and accepting that we need not be victims. Sometimes its really good to laugh at ourselves. If we could get past embarrassment, we could learn how to work together. We could learn to appreciate Baltimore's diversity and not fight each other over inconsequential matters.

B'More Revolutionary is an open and diverse collective of commentators. Some of us our native to the city and others of us have been sucked in by its charm. We see the potential; we just want to be the revolutionaries we were born to be and take this city to the next level.

If what we say offends you, check yourself. This blog is not about spotlighting a specific person or geographic area. However, the issues we mention might address an area in your life that needs improvement. We just want to offer some pearls to address problems in the city that we see. If our comments cause your heat to rise, relax and rest assure that your time on earth is all about embracing evolution and empowering yourself to grow.

B'More Revolutionary is here to pour some water on your soul.